The First Contact War

Not much is known about the First Contact Wars besides it was the first time in the history of the multiverse that cancer cells have collided with each other. It all began on July 22, 2019. Early in the morning, there have been reports that cancer cell 'Piff' traveled up into Pennsylvania to meet up with cells 'Hunter' and 'Chris.' Carrying on the momentum of Piff, all three cells continued to travel north into New York and were stopped by cancer cell 'Kai.' The cells seem to have joined together into one whole cancer and have wreaked havoc throughout at least 30 different major organs within thirty-six people. This tragic event was finally put to a stop on July 26, when the cells lost energy and started disbanding back to their home states. It is unknown what has caused this loss in energy but scientists have suggested that this event was caused by two different factors. The first being that cancer cells are naturally attracted to each other (in a gay way if possible) and that they are attracted to alcohol and disband when it is all used up. The effects of the war are still taking tolls as countless organisms across the multiverse are bloating with cancer.

Notable Events During the War

 * Chris's terrible facial hair. He needs to shave. Like seriously. God damn.
 * All four cells have engaged in a game activity called 'Warhammer.' Not much is known about this activity besides the effect it has on wallets and bank accounts being to completely drain them of any monetary value and sometimes even put it into the negatives.
 * It is notable, that Chris has a large death ball of 'Dark Angels' which completely curbs stomps anything it goes against.
 * The Cancer Cell Chris has very unusual properties that have been labeled by many scientists, including the renowned Professor Deckgoubbler, as 'very indecisive bitch syndrome.' This causes the cancer cell to mimic what another cell does and in this instance, Chris latched onto Hunter and only ate and drink what Hunter had. It is not sure whether this has other effects or not as none were observed during the war.
 * Cancer Cell Chris also has the very unusual quality of that it doesn't ever fucking listen. Witnesses have reported that the cell Hunter was trying to communicate to Chris but he was too busy staring off into the void and fiddling his nipples. Another witness has also reported that during their game of 'Warhammer' that during Hunter's turns he would read a book or do some other activity besides watching the game and then ask Hunter if he even did anything. This leads researches to suggest that maybe when Chris is not actively engaged in an activity with other people, he enters a timeless vegetative state in order to preserve itself.
 * Other instances outside of the war of this occurring have also been noted by researches watching Chris 'for fun.'
 * It was in this event that the purpose of Chris's creepy facial hair was discovered. When provoked, Chris' facial hair will start vibrating at extreme speeds emitting many different wavelengths along the electromagnetic spectrum. This confuses his prey and he proceeds to sit on their laps, destroying their pelvises and any bones below. This attack was used on Hunter but due to the immense amounts of cigarettes Hunter smokes, his bones were reinforced with a lot of fucking tar and withstood Chris's attack with only major bruising.